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Thursday, February 19, 2009 @10:27 PM



First youtube video I've ever posted on my blog :) I love this song because the lyrics are so meaningful-->万世沧桑唯有爱是永远的神话.
Th original song is sang by Jackie Chan and Kim Hee Seon, which isn't so great because Jackie Chan really can't sing very well. I love Kim Hee Seon because she's one of those beauties that look great even when they're old. This chinese version is much better because the lyrics are also more poetic.

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Sunday, January 25, 2009 @9:03 PM

Grief is deep when love is deep.

A very interesting sermon given by our senior pastor today on Godliness in the Midst of Loss. We are in this series of pursuit towards godliness and this is the second-last sermon. I guess with recent events, I somehow feel that this message really spoke to me.

When loss comes, we often lose our compassion because we lose sight of the wonderful things God has given us. And that is why people often become very jaded after a great loss. People often respond to suffering a painful loss by becoming defensive and try to avoid any future situations where they will have to face such pain again.

Grief is deep when love is deep. And this is why without grieving, one lives in constant denial. Interestingly, this is a concept that applies to a lot of things in life beyond lives of loved ones. If I love money and power deeply, I will feel a terrible grief when I lose them.

I think a lot of times I feel that I really don't know why I have to face certain things when others don't. Like...why do I have to take my GRE another time and suffer through the stress and inner turmoil? Or why is it that I always have so many things to do in my lab when other people have regular work hours? But I came to realize that just as fire is refining, I feel myself more at peace with life through difficult times. I shall not be presumptuous and call what I'm going through "difficult times" when I know that their are many others who can't even start to dream of having the kind of life I have. But as I said before, things are often not as they seem and everyone has their troubles.

The main point is, who do we trust in the end? Do we trust in our own efforts and believe that as long as we remain strong, things will be ok? Then I have to admit I don't have that kind of strength and that is why I chose to believe that a sovereign God is in charge. Somehow, life is easier when someone else is in charge.

Saturday, January 24, 2009 @9:25 PM

It has been 3 years since I last spent Chinese New Year in Singapore. So it still seem a little strange to me that people are rushing to get new clothes and shoes. I'm just too lazy to go shopping amidst the throngs of people and so I decided I won't get any new clothes.

I don't know how most people will be this holiday, but I'll be pretty free most of the time because I don't have any relatives in Singapore. Well apparently my dad lined up some families who will be coming to visit on Monday and Tuesday, so I guess that will keep me busy for some time. I guess I really want to take this time to think about my graduate school interviews, and seriously think about what kind of research I would like to do for at least the next 5 years.

I must admit that for my department, the bay area schools are amazingly well coordinated. The interviews are all right after another, starting with Berkeley, Stanford and then UCSF. Since Berkeley is providing transport to Stanford, maybe I can get my dept in Stanford to send me to UCSF too. Chemistry and Chemical Biology is a very small dept in UCSF, so I don't suppose many of those going for the Stanford weekend will be going to UCSF. Hopefully I can visit Prof Alberts and his wife in UCSF.

Well to say the truth, I really have no idea where I want to go. Chemical biology is founded in Harvard, and so they really have the best faculty. All the faculty doing chemical biology in other schools are students of the faculties in Harvard. But I have many reservations about going to Harvard...so it is a difficult situation. Who knows, maybe I won't get accepted into Harvard and I would have one less choice to worry about.

It is interesting how this year will turn out. Just like in 2005, there's going to be quite some life changing decisions made.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009 @10:58 PM

Well what else can I say...yes I got kind of sick and depressed staring into that eye bleeding mascara, and decided it's time for a slightly less depressing design. I've been thinking about changing this for some time now, but as I am really quite a procrastinator, I couldn't get things moving till I decided I'm really bored today.

So one good thing today: well apparently Berkeley still wants me to come for interview. So sorry David but it's less chemical synthesis for you. Anyway he seems to be in a good mood lately so I'm planning to tell him I need time off work soon.

Over the years, I've come to realize something about life. You never really know what it hold for you. Let's just say I got into the best graduate program that's the envy of half the world. And bec the program is so competitive, I don't do very well in it and get into some serious depression. Well if let's say I didn't get into any grad sch in US, and stayed in Singapore to do my PhD. Some might consider this to be really unfortunate. But what if bec I am more settled down in these 5 years, I meet this really great guy and we get married and live happily ever after (okay whatever). Point is...just bec something seems great doesn't mean that it might go in a direction you expect. The rich has his troubles just as much as the poor. The wise has his worries just as much as the fool. No one really is to be envious of another because how do you really know what life holds?

Life is strange in the way that we pursue certain ideals blindly. Maybe...man just needs hope to live.

Monday, January 19, 2009 @8:37 PM

There are too many things on my mind. But how can I stop my thoughts from running wild? I am scared of sitting down alone and not having anything to do. But...

How can one feel so much older in just a few days? How can one become so jaded so suddenly?

And how can I even express my inner turmoil in words?

Tuesday, December 09, 2008 @8:17 PM

Why I love Madison-

Despite the cold weather that prevents me from doing many outdoor activities, or even traveling far to other places, I still love Madison.

When I have more time at home or in the lab, I can think about many things. The coldness outside makes it easier for people to gather together and talk and share our lives with each other. So although it is cold out, it is warm deep inside.

I miss being in a quiet city that is not crowded. I don't feel like I'm just one of many many out there, but is instead someone special. In madison, I always feel that everyone treats others as someone special. You see someone along the way to school, and you smile as if you know the person and is happy to see him. I see people's genuine passion and love for things....living each day not because we have to, but because we want to.
When I'm in Madison, I feel more alive than ever. I feel as if the world can really be perfect, and we can really value each and everyone's abilities. Who cares if you have better grades...I have other things you don't see. I once thought that I'll never go to Harvard and all those schools because the pursuit for that kind of success was not for me, and I just want to stay grateful for what I have..and not be ambitious and greedy. Let the greedy ones be as greedy as they can be. If that's how they seek happiness, then let them be.

How can I explain simply why I love Madison so much? It's hard to give a short answer. But I guess in summary...I saw a kind of life that is so good...it feels as if I had a glimpse of heaven and never want to go anywhere else.

Friday, March 07, 2008 @12:34 AM

I read Junrong's blog and found that he's actually feeling pretty free. And that reminded me that actually most of my friends are pretty free, despite taking more credits than me this semester. When I say that I feel tired and busy, people just give me a look of wonder and say...don't you take 8 credits? Oh well...this really makes me wonder why I feel that I have very little time...

A reflection of why I don't have a lot of time:

1. I sleep far too much these days. And the worst part is, the more I sleep, the sleepier I get. And...the really weird thing is the more I sleep, the more tired I appear. Like on Wednesday, I actually slept a lot, and when I went for ballet, Joanne thought I did not sleep last night bec I looked so tired.

2. Next week is midterm week, so I'm preparing for it.

3. My nemesis : Biochem subject GRE. As much as I know it is not the most important thing in grad sch application, I'm still going to study for it. In the psychological sense: studying reduces the anxiety I feel about it, so studying for it brings relief and is reinforced. Haha...I'm going crazy from studying for my abnormal psych exam.

4. Lab. Research + lab maintenance. The truth is...I'm in this attitude of retirement...haha...I'm almost done with my project...and I realize now that I need to seriously write up about it rather than doing more lab work. But for some reason, I actually like staying in the lab...so sometimes I stay more than I need to....not really particularly doing anything.

5. Ballroom. Er...actually I don't practice that much....well...two hours on Monday, and sometimes about 3 hours on Fri/Sat. But I guess it still takes time and so I'm less free than others. Think about it, it's probably the amount of time one puts in for a 2 credit course :D

6. Procrastination. The killer of it all.

So...busy busy busy. Tired tired tired. Always feeling that time is running out.

& The Word


No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
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