Faith Hope Love

Endless Love

2009-02-19T22:27:00.003+08:00

First youtube video I've ever posted on my blog :) I love this song because the lyrics are so meaningful-->万世沧桑唯有爱是永远的神话.
Th original song is sang by Jackie Chan and Kim Hee Seon, which isn't so great because Jackie Chan really can't sing very well. I love Kim Hee Seon because she's one of those beauties that look great even when they're old. This chinese version is much better because the lyrics are also more poetic.

Godliness in the Midst of Loss

2009-01-25T21:03:00.002+08:00

Grief is deep when love is deep.

A very interesting sermon given by our senior pastor today on Godliness in the Midst of Loss. We are in this series of pursuit towards godliness and this is the second-last sermon. I guess with recent events, I somehow feel that this message really spoke to me.

When loss comes, we often lose our compassion because we lose sight of the wonderful things God has given us. And that is why people often become very jaded after a great loss. People often respond to suffering a painful loss by becoming defensive and try to avoid any future situations where they will have to face such pain again.

Grief is deep when love is deep. And this is why without grieving, one lives in constant denial. Interestingly, this is a concept that applies to a lot of things in life beyond lives of loved ones. If I love money and power deeply, I will feel a terrible grief when I lose them.

I think a lot of times I feel that I really don't know why I have to face certain things when others don't. Like...why do I have to take my GRE another time and suffer through the stress and inner turmoil? Or why is it that I always have so many things to do in my lab when other people have regular work hours? But I came to realize that just as fire is refining, I feel myself more at peace with life through difficult times. I shall not be presumptuous and call what I'm going through "difficult times" when I know that their are many others who can't even start to dream of having the kind of life I have. But as I said before, things are often not as they seem and everyone has their troubles.

The main point is, who do we trust in the end? Do we trust in our own efforts and believe that as long as we remain strong, things will be ok? Then I have to admit I don't have that kind of strength and that is why I chose to believe that a sovereign God is in charge. Somehow, life is easier when someone else is in charge.

Chinese New Year

2009-01-24T21:25:00.002+08:00

It has been 3 years since I last spent Chinese New Year in Singapore. So it still seem a little strange to me that people are rushing to get new clothes and shoes. I'm just too lazy to go shopping amidst the throngs of people and so I decided I won't get any new clothes.

I don't know how most people will be this holiday, but I'll be pretty free most of the time because I don't have any relatives in Singapore. Well apparently my dad lined up some families who will be coming to visit on Monday and Tuesday, so I guess that will keep me busy for some time. I guess I really want to take this time to think about my graduate school interviews, and seriously think about what kind of research I would like to do for at least the next 5 years.

I must admit that for my department, the bay area schools are amazingly well coordinated. The interviews are all right after another, starting with Berkeley, Stanford and then UCSF. Since Berkeley is providing transport to Stanford, maybe I can get my dept in Stanford to send me to UCSF too. Chemistry and Chemical Biology is a very small dept in UCSF, so I don't suppose many of those going for the Stanford weekend will be going to UCSF. Hopefully I can visit Prof Alberts and his wife in UCSF.

Well to say the truth, I really have no idea where I want to go. Chemical biology is founded in Harvard, and so they really have the best faculty. All the faculty doing chemical biology in other schools are students of the faculties in Harvard. But I have many reservations about going to Harvard...so it is a difficult situation. Who knows, maybe I won't get accepted into Harvard and I would have one less choice to worry about.

It is interesting how this year will turn out. Just like in 2005, there's going to be quite some life changing decisions made.

new blog design huh

2009-01-21T22:58:00.003+08:00

Well what else can I say...yes I got kind of sick and depressed staring into that eye bleeding mascara, and decided it's time for a slightly less depressing design. I've been thinking about changing this for some time now, but as I am really quite a procrastinator, I couldn't get things moving till I decided I'm really bored today.

So one good thing today: well apparently Berkeley still wants me to come for interview. So sorry David but it's less chemical synthesis for you. Anyway he seems to be in a good mood lately so I'm planning to tell him I need time off work soon.

Over the years, I've come to realize something about life. You never really know what it hold for you. Let's just say I got into the best graduate program that's the envy of half the world. And bec the program is so competitive, I don't do very well in it and get into some serious depression. Well if let's say I didn't get into any grad sch in US, and stayed in Singapore to do my PhD. Some might consider this to be really unfortunate. But what if bec I am more settled down in these 5 years, I meet this really great guy and we get married and live happily ever after (okay whatever). Point is...just bec something seems great doesn't mean that it might go in a direction you expect. The rich has his troubles just as much as the poor. The wise has his worries just as much as the fool. No one really is to be envious of another because how do you really know what life holds?

Life is strange in the way that we pursue certain ideals blindly. Maybe...man just needs hope to live.

way too many things on my mind

2009-01-19T20:37:00.002+08:00

There are too many things on my mind. But how can I stop my thoughts from running wild? I am scared of sitting down alone and not having anything to do. But...

How can one feel so much older in just a few days? How can one become so jaded so suddenly?

And how can I even express my inner turmoil in words?

oh Madison, how I love thee

2008-12-09T20:17:00.002+08:00

Why I love Madison-

Despite the cold weather that prevents me from doing many outdoor activities, or even traveling far to other places, I still love Madison.

When I have more time at home or in the lab, I can think about many things. The coldness outside makes it easier for people to gather together and talk and share our lives with each other. So although it is cold out, it is warm deep inside.

I miss being in a quiet city that is not crowded. I don't feel like I'm just one of many many out there, but is instead someone special. In madison, I always feel that everyone treats others as someone special. You see someone along the way to school, and you smile as if you know the person and is happy to see him. I see people's genuine passion and love for things....living each day not because we have to, but because we want to.
When I'm in Madison, I feel more alive than ever. I feel as if the world can really be perfect, and we can really value each and everyone's abilities. Who cares if you have better grades...I have other things you don't see. I once thought that I'll never go to Harvard and all those schools because the pursuit for that kind of success was not for me, and I just want to stay grateful for what I have..and not be ambitious and greedy. Let the greedy ones be as greedy as they can be. If that's how they seek happiness, then let them be.

How can I explain simply why I love Madison so much? It's hard to give a short answer. But I guess in summary...I saw a kind of life that is so good...it feels as if I had a glimpse of heaven and never want to go anywhere else.

Busy...but why?

2008-03-07T00:34:00.002+08:00

I read Junrong's blog and found that he's actually feeling pretty free. And that reminded me that actually most of my friends are pretty free, despite taking more credits than me this semester. When I say that I feel tired and busy, people just give me a look of wonder and say...don't you take 8 credits? Oh well...this really makes me wonder why I feel that I have very little time...

A reflection of why I don't have a lot of time:

1. I sleep far too much these days. And the worst part is, the more I sleep, the sleepier I get. And...the really weird thing is the more I sleep, the more tired I appear. Like on Wednesday, I actually slept a lot, and when I went for ballet, Joanne thought I did not sleep last night bec I looked so tired.

2. Next week is midterm week, so I'm preparing for it.

3. My nemesis : Biochem subject GRE. As much as I know it is not the most important thing in grad sch application, I'm still going to study for it. In the psychological sense: studying reduces the anxiety I feel about it, so studying for it brings relief and is reinforced. Haha...I'm going crazy from studying for my abnormal psych exam.

4. Lab. Research + lab maintenance. The truth is...I'm in this attitude of retirement...haha...I'm almost done with my project...and I realize now that I need to seriously write up about it rather than doing more lab work. But for some reason, I actually like staying in the lab...so sometimes I stay more than I need to....not really particularly doing anything.

5. Ballroom. Er...actually I don't practice that much....well...two hours on Monday, and sometimes about 3 hours on Fri/Sat. But I guess it still takes time and so I'm less free than others. Think about it, it's probably the amount of time one puts in for a 2 credit course :D

6. Procrastination. The killer of it all.

So...busy busy busy. Tired tired tired. Always feeling that time is running out.

One Litre of Tears

2008-02-29T12:57:00.002+08:00

It is good to be alive and healthy.

It feels good to be able to read without feeling so giddy. It is good to be sitting up typing without feeling so tired. It is really good to have some sort of plan in mind and actually be able to do it.

One week of not going to lab has accumulated a lot of work for me. Not just research, but things like lab maintenance. There'll be so many things to do all at one time that i'm so scared that I'll crew something up.

I finished watching "One Litre of Tears", and it is really a very good show. The girl has so much courage, and her persistence to treasure what is around her just amazes me. She learned to stop looking back and think of the what ifs, and just focus on what she's doing right now. She's really lucky that she has such a supportive family too. I especially admire her mum, who got to be one of the bravest woman on earth. She's always so full of hope and constantly encouraging her daughter to look forward no matter what happens.

It suddenly occurred to me that my primary school motto is "We Look Ahead". Now, i realize it is such a powerful motto...because often, people do not look ahead and choose to dwell in the past. But in a way, it's important to not look too ahead...in the sense that if we keep thinking of what might happen in the future, we fail to treasure what we have now. And there are always so many things we can treasure but we don't.

I still think that only do we treasure the things around us do they truly begin to exist. Or else, whatever it is, it does not exist in my world. Probably in someone else's, but not mine.

Flu

2008-02-26T13:57:00.003+08:00

I have been sick with flu for the past week. As in very very serious flu. I have never felt so sick for years...for about 4 days, I felt so bad I just couldn't do anything but lie in bed and feel really bad. I couldn't go to lab, couldn't do my homework, couldn't read anything I want, couldn't use the computer....it felt just so bad.

There was times it felt so bad I thought I'm going to die from the sickness. That was when I decided seriously I need to go to the doctor. And I was diagnosed with flu and told to go home and get plenty of rest, drink plenty of water.

The worst part about being sick is I felt very lonely. I realized that I'm actually quite an independent person normally, and do not like to ask people for help because I don't want to depend on others. However, when I was sick for those few painful days, I really really wanted someone to help me. I miss my home so much because I know if I were at home, my parents can take care of me. Even when I'm feeling better now, i can never forget the times when I was running a fever and feeling so bad that I can't do anything. I wanted to take my medicine, but I was too weak to get my medicine and water. So I would lay on my bed feeling really helpless and sick, until I can't bear it anymore and struggle up to get my medicine. It was the most horrible feeling ever. It' like you really want someone there to just help you that little bit, but no one was there.

When I told my mum on MSN that I feel really bad (when I was feeling a little better to use the computer), she asked me why no one took care of me. To say the very honest truth, that is what I wondered too. I feel myself crying out so badly for the person who would just help me take my medicine when I really need it. But there was no one. But then, I know very practically that everyone is busy, and to have someone take care of me at the very high risk of me passing my flu on to them is really asking a lot of friends that I'm not very close with. I think it would even be difficult for close friends. I don't like telling people I have the flu, because I know they'll be scared of me passing it on to them.

So it's all good now that I've recovered, though not fully. But somehow, I could never get over that period of intense loneliness when the world was so painful and difficult to bear and I only had myself. Honestly saying, I myself is not very sympathetic to sick people (I mean as in minor illnesses such as flu, not the major ones) because I think it's just a small thing and nothing much to worry about. So I also know that putting myself into other people's shoes, I would not have cared much for that person since he/she's going to get well sooner or later. So I do not blame anyone because I don't expect it out of myself.

But it has really been a very bad week, and really delayed me in a lot of things. I hope the rest of the semester I can be healthy and do what I want to do.

Long Vacation

2008-02-17T08:04:00.002+08:00

An excerpt from Long Vacation:

Tomoko : When will it be my turn? What am I doing?
Takuya: Why don't you think of it this way? It's a long vacation.
Tomoko: Long vacation?
Takuya :There is no reason to rush. There are times when no matter what you do, it doesn't work out. No matter what you do , it's no good. At times like that, it may sound strange, but...Why don't you think of it as a vacation from God?Don't force yourself. Don't rush. Don't try harder. Just let everything take its natural course.
Tomoko: Then?
Takuya: Things will improve.
Tomoko:Really?
Takuya: Probably.
Tomoko : (Smiles) Probably.

It's much nicer when you watch it. It's from 17min to 20 min at http://www.crunchyroll.com/media-16764/Long-Vacation-Episode-22.html

Porn Nation and such

2008-02-08T14:08:00.000+08:00

I went to this presentation thingy called "Porn Nation" today. It basically talks about how pornography is becoming so pervasive in the society, and how it's affecting our lives in was we might not realize. It is presented by this former sex addict who basically told us how the addiction to sex has affected his life, and how he tries to walk out of it.

One issue he focused on is very interesting. It's about how this over-exposure to pornography is affecting our attitudes towards relationship. Women start thinking that they can only get love if they look beautiful, and they can get love by having sex. And man just buy into this whole thinking system.

It makes me really wonder what exactly is so attractive about sex. Maybe it's like how Freud's psychodynamic theory goes. Our sexual instincts are part of our subconscious, something we can't really control. However, it is kept in strict control by our superego which dictates all the moral standards. But when we are constantly bombarded with all the sexual images from the media and everywhere, our ID start to peek up. And this creates that conflict between the ID and superego which apparently according to Freud will result in neurosis.

Or maybe, our defense mechanism comes up and we try to repress it to make ourselves feel better. But with this constant conflict in our live, this repression will burst open some day.

To say the truth, I really believe in psychodynamic theory. I believe that our nature is not very good...well...all that sexual instincts and aggression are pretty true.

The presentation ended by the guy saying how he found God and came to realize that there's someone who will be non-judgmental and love him unconditionally. I know this is a rather weird turn of events here, because this was not really some church event. I do agree it was a little abrupt in that sense, but I think it is really good that this guy found his strength in God, and whether other people want to believe him or not is another issue.

last semester in wisconsin

2008-02-04T06:40:00.000+08:00

I have started my last semster and got more or less settled down. Decided to take P Chem lab, Elementary Japanese, Abnormal Psychology and Ballet. I also decided I'm going to at least try going for BBDT, which forces me to dance for at leats 2 hrs a week since you need to pay quite a lot to go for the lessons. i heard the lessons can be really intense, not to mention it's like on a monday night when I'm usually really tired.

i'm still procratinating about when to start studying for my subject GRE. I'm really delaying it. I enjoy the really slack feeling now, where there's like minimum homework everyday. However, I still go to school rather early and come back rather late (say abt 5pm) bec I spend all the free time in lab. But that also means once I come back home, I don't really have a whole lot to do.

I like how the semester's going, and hope that it won't get busier than now.

Food

2008-01-12T19:53:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, especially recently, I feel that I am very very vain. And I know very well that vanity is a bad thing. It is not right to hold on to something that is so worldly and will not last. So hopefully I will get over this phase soon.

I have lost a significant amount of interest in lots of food once I think about how much oil they contain. Seriously. My parents always want to bring me out for a big meal and I’m always refusing. I don’t even eat food from hawker center now because everything is so oily. So my meals these days consist of breakfast (egg and porridge) and dinner (some assorted meat and vegetables my maid cooked). After a while, it is becomes hard to feel hungry at meal times because I don’t look forward to food. I think I feel that I need to eat, but I don’t find anything very appetizing anymore. No I’m not turning anorexic because I’m not losing weight. I eat enough for the day, but I think I used to have a very strong interest in food, and now there’s really not much of it.

I was watching this primary school Chinese program with my sister today, and I pointed out that she copied a word down wrongly. I tried to correct it and realized I have no idea how to write it either. I suddenly realized that I can’t write Chinese very well now. I think my speaking ability is still good, since both my family here and my apartment mates in Wisconsin speak Chinese. I also watch Chinese drama. But I think writing is proving to be rather difficult. I can’t imagine writing a long essay in Chinese now. Sigh. My mind is degrading.

I still haven’t made up my mind what to do about next semester.

Singapore, back again

2008-01-10T14:05:00.000+08:00

One would think that I should have lots of time to blog since I’m so free in Singapore now. But I realized the more free time I have, the less I’ll try to use it efficiently. Also, my house internet is so unstable. I think the longest record of staying online is about half and hour. Seriously. With this sort of internet, I can’t really do much.

Anyway, I am glad to have my citizenship stuff over. It took a lot more trouble than I thought. These days, I’m just staying at home, and packing my stuff for the move-out. I don’t think we’re going to move until maybe March, since the contractors are taking such a long time to put finishing touches to the house. But I want to make sure that I pack my most important stuff first so that they won’t be displaced when I come back this June. I realized that it is really very very difficult to pack since I have accumulated so much stuff in the past…TEN years! The most difficult things to settle are my old secondary and JC notes and textbook. There’s a whole mountain of them, that I did not bear to dispose of after my O and A levels. But I think I’m going to throw all of them away now, because they’ll be of no use to my siblings with the new A’level system and through train stuff. That should empty out my book shelves quite a bit.

Also, I finally decided to stop procrastinating and register for my subject GRE yesterday. I am still not very sure if I want to take my general GRE too. Looking at my next semester, I really don’t know whether it’ll be a busy one. I want to do more research, do more ballroom, do more slacking stuff, do more exercise…and definitely get my driving license. So with all these, I don’t know how much time I’ll have for more GRE. I’m not sure if I should just go to school 2 days week. This is entirely possible if I choose to take just one class, but that is actually sounding rather ridiculous right as I say it now.

I haven’t been going out a lot these days, and I’m not going to say I hope I’m going out more. I’ve become relatively lazy these days, and don’t really feel like doing anything at all. So I’ll rather stay home and read some books. I mean story books. So far I’ve read Boy and Going Solo by R. Dahl, and the Silent Boy by L. Lowry. I’m reading Anne of the Green Gables. These are children fiction book I always wanted to read, but never really got a chance to. I don’t know, I only enjoy reading children fiction now. I guess it’s very simple and innocent.

Final Exam

2007-12-16T13:46:00.001+08:00

Finals exams. The last lap to run. Why am I not motivated? I feel like a slug, not really moving, but not really stagnant either.

I manage to cover quite some things today, but not in a very efficient way. I just can't wait for all these to be over. But I don't think I can face the results. So it's a paradox here. I want it to be over, and yet I don't. Either way, nothing is worth looking forward to.

It's late, and I should sleep. I remembered once saying that sleeping is the best part of the day. It's the time when I can finally rest and not think too much about things. I also remember saying that waking up is the worst part of the day. In a sense, it still is. Sometimes, I just want to lie in bed and just not do anything.

I remember I used to be able to wake up at 5am to do work. I can't do this again. I tried but it never succeeded.

Something has died in me and it is not going to come back.

又见一帘幽梦

2007-12-10T02:18:00.000+08:00

我有一帘幽梦　不知与谁能共
多少秘密在其中　欲诉无人能懂
窗外更深露重　今夜落花成冢
春来春去俱无踪　徒留一帘幽梦
谁能解我情衷　谁将柔情深种
若能相知又相逢　共此一帘幽梦

I have been watching Qiong Yao's 又见一帘幽梦 these days, and I feel that just like all her novels it really make me think a lot about what love really is. I really love this show and how it depicts many real issues in people's love lives now. I have been talking to Gao Yi about how many people, especially Asian just marry because they feel their partner is "compatible" with them. And really, many people's marriage are sustained simply based on a very plain, simple kind of relationship. To say the truth, i can't imagine how love and passion can be sustained for a prolonged period of time.

How can love survive the mundane-ness of marriage? Or maybe after marriage, it's really no longer about love and passion, but more about responsibility and other things. C.S Lewis makes a very good point about this in both "Mere Christianity" and "Screwtape Letters", that he feels that marriage really isn't primarily about love. The protagonist in 又见一帘幽梦 says that marriage is a gamble, and you never know what the result will be.

I remember once in my Anthropology class, our TA asked who think he/she will marry someone he/she loves. And I have to say I am one of the few who did not raise my hands. Maybe it's the way I brought up, but I feel that for me, marriage will not be about love and passion, but more of a responsibility issue. I do not mean that if I ever marry, I will marry someone I do not love, but I feel that there's just too many other issues to address beyond all these love.

To truly love, one needs to open one's heart and dare to explore. I am always too cautious, and never really dare. As the poem/song aptly describes :

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken that never seems to give.
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.

I'm the one who won't be taken, that never seems to give and the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.

I have recently heard of someone who said I have to really truly open my heart and love bravely while I'm young. But this is something that requires so much courage, so much risk, that few will really do it. Is it worth the risk?

For me, it is my dream, that I am afraid of waking, and that's why, I never take the chance.

The Last Rose of Summer

2007-12-03T06:17:00.000+08:00

Tis the last rose of summer,
Left blooming alone,
All her lovely companions
Are faded and gone.
No flow'r of her kindred
No rosebud is nigh
To reflect back her blushes,
Or give sigh for sigh.

I'll not leave thee, thou lone one,
To pine on the stern,
Since the lovely are sleeping,
Go, sleep thou with them

Thus kindly I'll scatter
Thy leaves o'er the bed,
Where thy mates of the garden
Lie scentless and dead.

So soon may I follow
When friendships decay;
And from love's shining circle
The gems drop away
When true hearts lie wither'd
And fond ones are flow'n
Oh! Who would inhabit
This bleak world alone?

Busy

2007-10-06T12:22:00.000+08:00

A brief moment of peace.

I'm so tired that I can't really do anything.

I had my P-chem homework due, Biochem 651 Lab Report due, Music Exam, Proposal Due. And not to mention my protein purification which took me from around 1.30pm to now.

Something to remember: I ran the world's worst SDS-PAGE ever. I swear it is the worst I've ever seen. Like it was smearing so badly. -_-

Good thing that happened: my prof for Biochem canceled exam next week because it's right after our p-chem exam.

Seems like everyone is just throwing their life away for p-chem now. I mean seriously, it's just like any other subject, except a lot harder. But oh well, it's still just a subject.

A word to sum up what I feel now: drained. A towel squeezed too dry.

Fall 2007

2007-09-08T06:17:00.000+08:00

Wow, first post of the Fall 2007 term. Oh well, school started on Tuesday, and I don't really feel things rolling eyt. There's not much homework or readings, and I am stuck at this post summer mood. Meaning, I don't really want to do any work. I have some homework and readings which I know it's best that I should do, but I'm not really doing them because I'm so darn lazy.

What I've done so far is playing the Sims 2 and watching all three movies of Back to the Future starring Micheal J. Fox. I think I almost went mad from playing the Sims2. Seriously. I was so addicted to it that I started getting headaches from playing the game. I guess it's because I stare at the computer screen for an insanely long period of time. Which I think and know is very bad for my eyes and probably sanity too. So I thought watching movies will be better. Back to the Future is really funny...and what I thought is really funny is how I went for the ride last winter in Cali without watching this moving. I think this ride was in Disneyland (or universal studio?) , and the line was so long! I guess now that people who had watched the movie really want to go for the ride. Oh well.

So that's all for now. I'm typing this in my lab now while waiting for my Agarose gel to run. I think it's almost done, so I have to look at it now...

21st Birthday Post

2007-08-26T13:04:00.001+08:00

5 minutes past my 21st birthday.

People like to ask me (out of politeness) , what I'll be doing on this day. I say, well nothing in particular. Go to church, have lunch, read something.

I mean, can you celebrate your own birthday? Well maybe yes if I throw a party. But I'm too lazy to do that.

So I'll just have a normal day.

Which means I should sleep now.

move-in and misc

2007-08-23T12:09:00.000+08:00

so reason why i stopped posting for some time : move-in/move-out. I personally deem this whole experience as a nightmare. So general advice is, if you live in an apartment and has collected a significant amount of things through the year, DO NOT move! Avoid moving at all cost.

This is what happened last Monday. So my move-out is at 8.40am on last Wed. I started packing mostly on Monday, and asked my new apartment mate, Josh to come down to help me move my stuff on Tuesday. So basically I was trying to tidy up my room a little, and wanted to get my poster and mirrors down. BIG MISTAKE. SECOND ADVICE: DON'T USE MOUNTING TAPE EVER. Basically trying to get my mirrors and poster down was so traumatizing because I ripped a lot of huge holes on the wall, which was made of hard cardboard instead of concrete. And I totally freaked out because that means I'm going to get a fine from my security deposit, and my landlord is very mean about all these sort of things. So that really scared me a lot.

On tuesday, Josh drove down from Illinois, and we only started moving at 9pm!!
Well, we needed to shop for plaster and paint for my wall, so that's why. So we started moving...and we moved almost throughout the night until 8am the next day! We only had about 2 hours of sleep, and oh my god, it was sooooooooo tiring. And the best part is, we did not move our stuff to the new apartment, but to Josh's old apartment. My move-out is on Wed, but my move in is on Thurs. So that really sucked. But I was soooo glad to move out in time and have the entire place cleaned. (you must clean your apartment really well!)

On Wed, I was really half dead. -__- understatement. Around the afternoon, I had a talk with my new landlord, and he was really nice...so he let us move in one day earlier. Which was really great. So we got our keys at around 7pm, and started moving our stuff to the new apartment. I asked one of my nice junior to help. Well all the other people in my year were moving, so they couldn't help.

I think moving in was less of a nightmare than moving out, because there was less of a deadline, and we had more people helping us. So we finished quite a bit on Wed night, and completed moving in on Thursday.

So the next few days are spent setting up the new apartment, making it look as nice as possible. My own bedroom is really small as compared to the last bedroom I had, but I like it more, because this apartment is cleaner, and I know my apartment mates better. I love setting up the new apartment....although we really spent quite a bit.

So that's what i've been really busy about the last few days. The next few days will be better as I just relax and prepare for the semester ahead.

Music of the night

2007-08-12T12:47:00.000+08:00

Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness wakes and stirs imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses
Helpless to resist the notes I write
For I compose the music of the night

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing, Music is deceiving
hard as lightning, soft as candlelight
i dare you, trust the music of the night

Close your eyes,
for your eyes will only tell the truth
and the truth isn't what you want to see
in the dark it is easy to pretend
that the truth is what it ought to be

Softly, deftly, music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it, secretly posses you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
in this darkness which you know you cannot fight
the darkness of the music of the night

Close your eyes, start a journey to a strange, new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Close your eyes and let music set you free
Only then can you belong to me

Floating, falling, sweet intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation
Let the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the music that I write
The power of the music of the night

You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night

Well I didn't really do much today. I woke up quite late, and decided that I should stop procrastinating and start packing my stuff. I think I just don't really feel like packing ( too lazy probably), so I'm kind of really behind in packing. But Is till have time until Monday. So that should be alright.

I went to the ballroom dance tonight. I think that to me, every dance is kind of different. Like on some days, i'll get to dance quite a lot...but on others (like today), I didn't really do much. It's nice to watch other people dance too.

I really need to talk to my Professor on what to do next in my lab. It seems that I really don't have much to do recently.

I really don't know what to expect next semester. It's my last fall semester, and of course I want it to go well. But well...I feel that I'm suppressing something. Like I need to get something done, but I'm not. And it's eating into me. And yet I don't want to solve it.

Anxiety is a slow painful death.

Time after time

2007-08-11T14:02:00.000+08:00

A song that really sticked in my head after watching "Strictly Ballroom".

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion
Is nothing new
Flashback warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I cant hear
What you've said
Then you say go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows you're wondering
If I'm ok
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you Ill be waiting
Time after time

You said go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time

If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time

Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

movie day

2007-08-11T12:03:00.000+08:00

So yesterday, I decided to go to the movies with the others. Since summer school is over, I don't really have much to do, and instead of feeling really wasted at home, I thought I just must well do something.

We planned to set off around 10:15 in yuyun and sarah's car. But much to our horror, their exhaust pipe kind of dropped out...onto the road. So they had to send the car to the mechanic, so instead of taking the car, me and Alan decided we'll just take the bus and meet the others (who bravely decided to bike in this weather).

The bus ride was about 50 min. And I had this bet with Alan that my friends who are biking would reach first (well they set off 1 hour before we did). But in the end, we reached first, and thought we'll watch the Bourne Ultimatum. So that was really good...anyway I like Matt Damon :) After that...well this is kind of my first time doing this, but the initial plan was to do a movie marathon...like just buy one ticket and watch lots of movies. Well that's not really legal ( I guess), but we did it anyway. The others watched Rush Hour 3, and I really wanted to watch Ratatouille, so I just went for it myself. The movie is really so cute. I love the mice.

Guess I'll really have to work towards packing tomorrow. Hope I'll stop procrastinating.

Flora's Secret

2007-08-09T12:47:00.000+08:00

Lovers in the long grass
Look above them
Only they can see
Where the clouds are going
Only to discover
Dust and sunlight
Ever make the sky so blue

Afternoon is hazy
River flowing
All around the sounds
Moving closer to them
Telling them the story
Told by Flora
Dreams they never knew

Silver willows
Tears from Persia
Those who come
From a far-off island
Winter Chanterelle lies
under cover
Glory-of-the-sun in blue

Some they know as passion
Some as freedom
Some they know as love
And the way it leaves them
Summer snowflake
For a season
When the sky above is blue
When the sky above is blue

Lying in the long grass
Close beside her
Giving her the name
Of the one the moon loves
This will be the day she
Will remember
When she knew his heart
Was
Loving in the long grass
Close beside her
Whispering of love
And the way it leaves them
Lying in the long grass
In the sunlight
They believe it's true love
And from all around them
Flora's secret
Telling them of love
And the way it breathes
And
Looking up from eyes of
Amaranthine
They can see the sky
Is blue
Knowing that their love
Is true
dreams they never knew
And the sky above is blue

Well it's my first post on this blog this year. I don't know what's making me write here. But I guess it's time to pick up some things I liked to do... and could never really find the time to do during a busy semester.

So today's the last day of my summer semester. Analytical Chem (fondly known as anal chem to me), is really not that bad after all. It's definitely boring...no doubt about that, but it was still manageable. So i guess I have to start thinking about what to do these days. I am about to finish the project i have been assigned to in my lab, so I'm not too sure what's the next step.

I actually had quite some plans for this summer break ( like after summer school ends ..)but so many things have happened that things that I hoped to happen just did not work out.

Sometimes I question if I have made the right choice. Because the consequence of what I'm suffering now...is really because of my choice.

I don't know.

the fall semester

2006-11-21T07:34:00.000+08:00

wow...I can't believe what's making me stop and write this blog. I guess finally...I'm..well...not free because this semester has not been academically hectic. I guess I'm finally having time to stop and reflect on things so far.

I'm feeling so tired now that I pretty much don't feel like doing anything. So here's how my day went. Had Music jingle performance in the morning, with Biochem exam right after that, and Zoo 360 quiz (which I totally just did not study for until after biochem exam), and zoo360 presentation after that. And of course lab. So by now, I'm feeling so physically strained. But not only that, I'm feeling so emotionally strained by how bad my biochem exam went. Basically, I forgot to memorise something (UDP-glucose) and threw away 10 marks. And this was actually a very easy exam. And I don't really blame anyone for this...because I knew I was going to forget something. I didn't do a very good review for this exam, was extremely distracted the whole weekend, and felt little motivation to do well.

SO the distraction is....or at least part of it is...that our juniors came over to our apartment, and spent the entire weekend here (just like last week). And it's really not their fault because I just get distracted easily when there's so many people outside. With the final football game and the juniors, I really didn't get much done on Saturday. On Sunday after church, I had ballroom practice for my final project. And when i came back, I was so tired...took a nap and in the evening, I totally panicked 'cause I couldn't finish my review AND I realised that I forgot most of the stuff I reviewed the week before. So I tried very hard to do a review with the noise (now the juniors are still here, and they're I think getting excited abt Thanksgiving) outside..but got so tired...that i just slept.

And so expectedly...I didn't do all that great for biochem. And it's a terrible feeling now because I'm not exactly sure if I'm feeling sad or bad or regretting. More like neither. It's more like I don't want to think what had happened. And more like I seriously need to shut myself in a quiet room and do some serious thinking.

And because I was studying for biochem, I pushed all my homework assignments back...to now. Oh God....

Hamsters

2006-08-14T20:22:00.000+08:00

After my dear Furball died 2 weeks ago, I've now got 2 new hamster...a gift from Josh Lim who seems to have quite a few in his house. We named the really fat and white one Li Bai (bec he's white...and our surname is Li), and the grey one Furball Jr. It was kind of funny yesterday when we came back from dinner, and found..er...this cat sitting beside their cage. We(more like me) were really shocked and chased the cat away immediately. Well, this cat is not our pet or anything. It's just this stray that apparently knows how to take the lift and do house visits. My last hamster was pretty traumatised by this cat who always come and pay her a visit. But I think Li Bai and Furball Jr. seemed pretty cool abt it. I'm not really sure if they know what a cat is. I mean if you've spend all your life in a cage, how would you know what a cat can potentially do? Animal instincts? Well the two of them just slept as soundly as ever after the traumatising(to me at least) event. I guess we just ahve to shut the door now to prevent the cat from slipping through the metal gate.

Today's first day of my 2-week non-working days(this sounds strange). What I did mostly is to plan what I'm going to do for the next few weeks...and watch over my bro and sis. Time actually passes quite fast when one's not doing anything important.

I'm a little worried abt what I can bring over to US. Heard security checks would be crazy...and so many people have been telling me this...even the auntie who sells yakult to my house. Oh well...I'll just see how...

Work has ended...

2006-08-13T10:48:00.000+08:00

So my 8 weeks attachment has ended. The favourite question is: Are you feeling sad or excited? The truth is: neither. I don't feel particularly relieved that work is over, though I must say I was very happy when I finally handed up my report which I have been procrastinating for the past week. And I'm not too sad to leave such a wonderful lab either...because I always knew that this is only going to be 8 weeks attachment. How I really feel is...well..to move on. With only 2 weeks left, I think I still have some preparations to do. Buy textbook, buy food, buy stuff....

Went for ktv at KBOX in Lucky Chinatown yesterday. It was really fun...especially since there's quite some people who came. It's pretty interesting to compare the photos I took for all the ktv sessions since last year. Haha...we still look the same even though I guess quite a lot of things have changed so far.

I think I'll try to meet up with friends before I leave. But no promises here...because 2 weeks is so short, and it's hard to meet up with everyone I want to. Moreover, my parents have been expressing their disapointment that I'm not helping them teach my bro and sis. So I guess I'll have to spend more time on them...although that's one of my least favourite activity. Usually I'll end up quarelling with them....sigh...

And...I don't understand what happened to my tag box. i just changed it a while ago, and now it's down again! Someone should tell me if there's another place to get a tag box.

oh what a day...

2006-08-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

oh what a day this has been....

Didn't get enough sleep because I drank too much tea yesterday.

And got woken up by my brother at around 6am who informed me that my pet hamster Furball, who's been with us for 3 yrs plus...has died.

And lab. Well there's this chinese proverb that says bad things don't happen in isolation(bad translation I guess...). First, I knocked over my plates and hence mixed up my two samples. Well at first I though it might be easy to decipher since one is the control, but I guess it wasn't that easy after all. Next, I forgot to flame the tip before sucking up medium...and I can only pray now that there's no contamination. I was actually helping someone else do this experiment...so...well...Oh yes and the best...while doing microscopy, I accidentally cracked the slide into two because I focused so much that the lens pressed too hard on the slide. I was so shocked..but luckily the lens was not scratched or else I have to pay like $5000 or something.

And I almost choked on a fish bone just now.

So I guess all in all, this just isn't my day. These days, I feel as if I'm just drifting through without knowing what I'm really doing. I guess attachment is ending soon and school is starting soon, so I'm in this period of transition. I hope that I'll be less dazed...

home...and going

2006-07-24T20:16:00.000+08:00

It's unbelievable that I'm back in Singapore, and is going to set off again in about a month's time. Times flies...and I hate to say this because it makes me feel OLD.

Well I guess after my vaccation, it's mostly...work. I think i really like attachment. Somehow, the lab environment is really good, because finally, after one year of terrible lab experience, I'm gaining some confidence. I think my prof is really nice and encouraging...like he told my supervisor that I have really steady hands. I bet my supervisor wanted to laugh because my hands are really shaky when I hold the pippette. I really wonder why my prof said so too...but haha...it felt good to hear that.

And it's strange that I feel that I'm okay with doing this all my life. Some of my friends think it's crazy to have such long working hours, and even my parents can't understand why I don't have a fixed working time. But I don't feel it's strange...well I guess my working hours follow the life cycle of my bateria and tissue culture..so...

Besides working, I've been meeting up with friends. It's nice to see everyone again, but I get very tired from so much gatherings. Not to mention that I feel guilty that I'm not spending enough time with my family. And I hope that there's some OTHER activity besides lunch,dinner,brunch...why does it have to involve eating as the sole activity? Sian diao...

Oh well... hope that my next few weeks will be good...that my Phi 29 enzyme arrives soon so that I can start doing(wait...I mean repeating) my project.

Spring!!

2006-04-17T02:29:00.000+08:00

It's the weather.

I think I know what's making me depressed. Those dark days of winter and early spring is really depressing.

Now that spring is finally here, and the sky is clear and blue, the lake is beautiful( no more ice!), the flowers are coming out and the grass are turning miraculously green, I feel so much better. The long days give me this illusion that I have tonnes of time left for everything. I'm starting to take walks along lakeshore again, and it just feels so good.

And I know that finals are coming soon and all that, but I guess at least for now, I'm not too worried abt that. I think I need more time to relax and chill =)

Just came back from Chicago yesterday after watching "Beauty World". It was a great performance, and the UChicago people really put in so much effort for the production. Wow...it's amazing how they can take time off from their busy schedule for this. And that's what all the Wisconsin people started discussing. Why is that we always don't have time for anything! Why are we always studying? And I thought, it's not that we have a lot of things to do, it's we give ourselves a lot of things to do. People think of getting into grad school from the very first semester, get into labs, and devote the entire undergrad life to lab. Sigh, I wish things are not like that. To some of my friends who are always so busy, I really want to tell them to stop studying and just take a walk outside. Doesn't it get sickening to study so much?

Well, that doesn't mean I don't study a lot. But I think sometimes, studying just don't give me the happiness and motivation anymore. That's when I just take a break, walk around, relax, and feel that work is part of life, not all of it.

i know why now

2006-04-07T11:44:00.000+08:00

I wonder what it'll be like if I don't need to study. I think i just won't be me anymore.

If this sounds really nerdy, I guess it's just me. I find that in this complex world, studying is a very simple life to lead. I don't need to concentrate on other things and always gets an excuse to do it. Although gaoyi repeatedly insists that it's causing me to miss out the good part of life, and although I don't disagree with that, I feel that this has become a predicatable way of life. One with few changes, where most of the time, the work you put in generates results.

And there'll be times I hate studying, but it's just like I can never really hate anything in this world. I can hate it and yet I know I really need it. Like injections.

I guess as long as studying isn't everything, then life is pretty good. I finally understand how pple can derive joy from studying. I've never been able to understand that. But I do now.

In a world where things change so much, where nothing is eternal, there's always things we want to hold on that are familiar to us and more predicatable.

Lazy Days

2006-04-05T09:22:00.000+08:00

For the first time in this semester, I realised I suddenly don't have much to do. It feels really weird that I'm suddenly so free, even if it's only for one or two days. It's just so weird that I don't have about 10 items on my to-do-list.

And the truly weird thing is whenever I'm not doing work, I always develop this strong sense of guilt, feeling that I should be just doing something. However, I don't know why, but I'm getting a bit sick of all these studying lately. I think after the dinner on Saturday where Karen insisted that I'm studying too hard, I kind of realised that I need to slow done and relax a bit. Furthermore, the weather is so good lately, and the sky does not get totally dark until abt 8pm, giving me the illusion that I have tonnes of time left to study. Somehow, the less depressing weather is cheering me up. I feel that life is brighter (literally). In those days when darkness comes so soon, I always feel stifled with stress in my room.

And I'm getting restless. Always wanting to do something else. Like just as I was studying O Chem just now, I came up with the idea that I'm going to get an ice cream later(at 9.30pm)....something I've never done before. I guess it feels good to have some little excitement in life, even if it's just an ice-cream. Also, I guess the restlessness stems from the fact that the semester is ending soon. In between lectures, I keep planning what I'm going to eat when I'm back in Singapore (oh my god, all I can think about is food!). I think I just can't wait to get back. And when I see that I still have finals to go, I just feel so impatient! Arghhhh....still a big thing to accomplish before the good thing comes.

Wish that my concentration comes back soon. I realise I can't even sit in the same position for more than 5 minutes now. Oh my, what's happening.....?

Lake Mendota

2006-03-23T04:54:00.000+08:00

For one of the rare times, the weather's actually good today. The sky is so beautifully blue, and the weather is cool, not bitter cold.

On my way back, I thought I'll take a look at the lake. And I just love looking at the lake. It makes me realise there's such permanent and beautiful things in this world. It brings me back memories when I first arrived here in Madison, and all that hope and expectation I had. And of course, it makes me think, why am I here, what I am doing, and how I'm doing to do things.

Life is beautiful. But it takes one much effort to realise that. I think life is beautiful, just that I'm not part of it.

"Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. " Ecclesiastes 2:11

Spring is here...or is it?

2006-03-12T13:36:00.000+08:00

So...Spring break is finally here. And for once, I'm in Madison for break. For Thanksgiving, I went deer hunting, and for winter, I went to NYC. And now that I'm finally here...I guess I'm just having more time to think things through.

To think...what do I really want out of life. And this is what gaoyi asked me the other day. She said...sometimes, life gets so hectic that people don't really know where they're heading. And I guess that's where I am now. I feel busy...like there's endless things to do. But I have no sense of direction. I vaguely know that I am supposed to get good grades, but I really wish there's more things in life to hope for besides that. When your whole life evolves around just one thing...that's terrible because once that thing is gone...there really isn't much more to live for.

I guess I am kind of depressed with how things have turned out lately. How things I hope will work out didn't. But of course thank God...there's many things I thought will never work out, but they did.

Isn't life just amazing? You never know what's going to happen next...and that's when again, I thank God for leading my life.

My NYC/Chicago Trip'05/06

2006-01-08T01:45:00.000+08:00

I guess it's time to update my blog. I have been getting constant complains from my Singaporean friends for not updating my blog...that they start to feel detached from me...

So I'll talk abt my NYC/Chicago trip for winter break.

I think I'll never have another experience that's as impactful as OASIS, but I guess this winter trip is one of the best things that happened.

Initally, I planned to stay in Madison for my winter break, but after much persuasion by Ooi, I though it's a good idea to go NYC. And that started all the planning, which turned out to be useless. When you're travelling with 3 guys, it seems that there's no definite plan, though I suspect they have a rough plan in their mind, in which they refuse to tell me.

So I arrived in NYC, La Guardia Airport on Christmas day around 7.30pm, and was picked up by Mr Lim. Thanks to Mr Lim, I managed to get free lodgings right in Manhattan.

And the next 9 days passed...so fast that I have difficulty recalling the things we did...so I'll just say those I remember best..

American Museum of Natural History and the Metropolitan Museum. The most memorable thing is...how we got in the museum for free. Till now, I still think it's kind of embarassing...but what we did is...we just walked right passed through the entrance...with this really blur look on our faces...and got into the musuem! Haha...I would have never done this if not because I was with 2 other guys. So it's shyh chang and junrong to be blamed =p But I loved the Metropolitan Museum so much!! It has this wonderful display of Arts from all over the world. There's just so many things to see! I enjoyed myself so much touring through the museum!

Central Park swing. I insisted on this. When I saw the swing, I demanded that we should stop...and though the two 21 yr old guys were rather unwilling at first, they joined in at last. And it turned out to be a very fun experience. I haven't felt so happy for a long time...so I'll remember this experience for a very long time...

Nonya. It's this Malaysian Resturant situated at Chinatown, which serves really good Singaporean/Malaysian food. We ordered so much food...and the food was so good..that ooi got really high...haha....and I met so many Singaporeans there! It's amazing how many Singaporeans there are!

Princeton,NJ. Ever since I watched A Beautiful Mind, I really wanted to visit Princeton..to see that beautiful campus...and I got my wish fulfilled in this trip when shyh chang brought us to Princeton. Princeton is indeed beautiful...with all the quaint buildings...that reminds me of harry Potter..I wished I watched the movie there...but instead...we spend a really long time watching this Japanese Anime...Bleach ( guys...sighz..).

Countdown. We tried to go to Times Square. But by the time we got there, it was so crowded that the police refused to let anyone in. So instead, shyh chang and sunyi came up with a contingency plan. We went to Brooklyn Bridge, which has this splendid view of NYC night time. It was such a beautiful experience! after that, we went to Brookyln's Prospect Park for this small countdown party...which had firework display at midnight. So although we had a pretty different countdown experience from most people in NYC, we enjoyed it a lot.

The few days in NYC was less eventful because we had toured most of the major spots. So we took the time to relax...walk around Central Park...eating...

And my short trip in Chicago with Gao Yi was fun too. I explored places in Chicago I would never have gone to normally( I usually go there just to shop). I really enjoyed the long walk along Lake Michigan....looking at the expanse of land and water....that was really relaxing.

So that pretty much summarises my winter trip. It was really such an enjoyable experience...something I won't forget for a very long time.

Halloween

2005-10-30T17:42:00.000+08:00

Halloween is this really big thing in Madison, where people just dress up and get really really drunk. For me, I thought State Street was okay ( this is where a lot of people go when they dress up...cause there's a lot of pubs there). What was really interesting happened yesterday in chem lecture.

So my favorite Chem prof (yes the blue eyes one) was teaching something on Markounikov's Rule. And as usual, I was semi-asleep, when suddenly, this guy in white came in. I thought I was day-dreaming! This guy painted himself in white from top to toe, and was holding this white ball.

And he said hi to my prof, who...erm...said hi back.( Haha...told you my prof's darn cool).

And what happened next was hilarious. This big yellow thing was trying to get through the doors of the lecture, and it couldn't, because it was too big! I was seriously wondering what's happening when finally, he managed to squeeze throught the door ( after 2 mins)....

And...the PacMan Music came on! So the big yellow thing was obviously the PacMan =) SO this PacMan went to get the white ball( that's why the white guy came in earlier), and the ghosts came in ( really huge ones too). So after the PacMan has "eaten" the ball, he ran around the lecture hall chasing the ghost!

So obviously, everyone was so darn shocked! We just stared at first, and couldn't stop laughing! The PacMan and Co. chased around the lecture theater for a while( and my prof watched this with an amused smile on his face...), and finally decided to call it a day. And the poor PacMan took another 2 mins to squeeze out of the door =).

And everyone just clapped and laughed really hard...and my prof said " Okay, so the PacMan is a very good example of how a tert-butanoxide attacks a carbocation." And I was like....-_-

SO he continued with Markounikov's rule, but most unfortunately, 5 mins after that, 4 guys rushed into the lecture with nothing but...thongs!

And this time, it was so shocking...because...er...Wisconsin is kind of cold...and they ran in front of the prof and showed off their body -_- Now, my prof doesn't seem that amused by this stint and said..."okay guys, pls get out bec we have a quiz in 5 mins!"

And the thongs guy said," Can we join the quiz too?"

...

Oh well...I loved that lecture...it was so hilarious that I could hardly concentrate on my quiz!

jesse holzer...you rule!

2005-10-13T07:04:00.000+08:00

I had this really weird experience today with my Maths TA, and I felt rather traumatised after that.

What happened was...after my disasterous maths grade, I decided that I SERIOUSLY need to change my Prof. He gave like...only 6 people As( out of 130 people in the class!) And he set this exam where he put this obscenely weird question that very, very few people knew how to solve. And it was damn it 20 marks. So I though I should really take action now.

So I went to my maths TA, Jesse for advice. As I said before, he's this really cute guy...haha...but he's really dedicated too. And when I asked him about my grades, he said like..he doesn't know what to do. The prof doesn't tell him anything...and basically the prof is really bad to the TAs too. So I told him I think I want to change to another Prof. And he was like..." Oh. It's a great idea...but I'll be really sad." And then...the weirdest thing happened...

He looked really disappointed and said..

" Oh well.."

And looked like so damn stressed...like he was going to cry... and he said...

" Okay, let's do a maths question!"

And immediately, he whipped out his Calculus textbook, turned to a random page, and said:

" Let's do question 29!"

And as he was doing the question, he got redder and redder...and really looked like he was going to cry!! I was so shocked!!!! All I could do was...er...to concentrate on the question he was doing. But I felt really, really sad. Because I know he's feeling really stressed about how the class grades are turning out. He has been working really hard, like giving us free 3-hours review sessions ( he's not paid for it), and re-doing every single lecture( bec the prof is so bad)...but nothing seems to be working...

And I think...a lot of his students are dropping out. So he's feeling really bad about it....sighz....

So he finished the maths question by....

" Oh my! I don't actually know how to do this question!!"

" Okay...ermm....so maybe you should talk to the prof( I was going to change to). Good luck!"

AND I FELT SO GUILTY!!!!!! I felt really bad for dropping out of his class. I was pretty sure I'm going to change my section, but now...I really have second thoughts...

my cooking endeavors

2005-09-27T12:05:00.000+08:00

Let me describe my food here.

Firstly, I really don't like the food here. How can vegtables always be eaten raw? And I want my meals to consist of rice or noodles...not pasta everyday!

SO I cook. I don't have a kitchen here( okay...there's one at the basement...but that's so far away..), so I use the microwave...and of course my ricecooker. SO stuff I cook are mostly ..erm..boiled or steamed...but well...at least they're cooked.

Stuff I've tried so far:

1. Thai noodle. I did this by microwave! And I did not use MSG! Yay! It's basically the noodle+water+Pregos+Soya Sauce+chilli. The product's really not bad.

2. Porridge. Is a huge success, but I still find it very troublesome...have to watch the rice-cooker every single minute!

3. Corn and egg. Jus boil in rice cooker.

4. Believe it or not. Mee Siam. Haha...thanx to that Asian Instant food brand( think it's called Prime or sth).

But I guess I'm getting very tired ...So I'm just going to eat more cafeteria food this week...

My professors

2005-09-21T09:13:00.000+08:00

I think I'll do an entry on my Profs here...because I realise them all of them are so special...and distinct.

Okay, start with my favorite Prof. Prof Belshaw. He's my chem prof, and I really like him a lot, because it was so darn difficult to get into his class. I sort of did it the illegal way. haha...so I think I'm like the only freshman in his class, because this Organic Chem class is mostly for the sophs and juniors. I like him because he's very clear, and don't mind explaining stuff in detail. The time I went to ask him this question, he spent like almost an hour explaining stuff to me. This is kinda rare, 'cause most Prof will go like..." Ask the TA!". So he's really AWESOME.

My AAE (Agriculture and Applied Econs) Prof is this really, really cool prof. Basically, he comes into class the first day taking everyone's photo. After he developed the photos, he cut out our heads, and ask us to pick our own "head" and paste them on this piece of paper, and write our name on it. On the 3rd lesson, to demostrate Externality(how markets fail), he started smoking in class ( I think right under the NO SMOKING sign). Then, he blow smoke at this girl's face...and ask how she felt. I was like....okay...what a memorable demostration.

My Maths Prof...is my nemesis. He's everyone's nemesis. Like even my TA(Teacher Asistant) hates him. Come on, who wears a LABCOAT to lecture a MATHEMATICS CALCULUS lecture? And he's really, really bad at computation...like can't count. And he sets very, very difficult exam papers. And he gives very little As. So basically, he makes my life very, very difficult.

My Psychology Prof is okay. teaches very, very slow, but he can like give 5 examples to every theory...so everything he teaches is really, really easy to understand. But I hope his exams will be okay.

Oh yes! And my Maths TA!!!! I love him!!! He's really, really good looking!! Haha...very distracting indeed...and my friend agrees too. He's so much better than my maths prof, and can teach really, really well. He used to be a footballer, but he's not as huge as the normal footballers here...who weigh like 200 pounds. And like all Americans, he hates complicated arithmetics. I think just last lesson, someone asked him to work out this really complicated question...and he said" Oh shit"...and after 3/4 into the question, he stopped. And said" Okay...I'm not going to do this". And smiled. We were like...stunned...haha...very funny actually.

So life has been mostly about my school...and hope that I got something more interesting to add the next time.

Madison...

2005-09-14T05:18:00.000+08:00

Oh well, I really have so many complains that I'm not updating my blog. So here I am.

I know many people want to ask me how exciting it is to live in America, how it is like to live in a dorm with 99% Americans, and how it's like having an American Roommate. I just have to say that none of the above is very exciting. Seriously.

Firstly, Madison is a very ncie place. But you must realise a place is only nice is you have enough time to explore it. Once college started, my time is divided between classes, studying and worrying how to get my 3.8 .( hey NUS students, this is 3.8 out of 4.0, not 5.0...so I'm really stressed here). And don't worry that I'm the only one feeling stressed. Even Americans living in my dorm complain that all they do is study( though I have some doubts about that).

And living in an all American dorm sounds exciting. But I feel it's quite boring actually. I don't go for their late night moveis, video games or party. So basically, I don't really mix around with them very much. The new friends I made are bascially the Mainland Chinese, Taiwanese and Hong kong students. I know some would think this is really weird, but come on, when the only conversation that goes on between me and an American is" 'H0w are you doing?" "GOOD!!", i hardly fancy any close relationship going along.

And my roommate. Let's list the good stuff: she's quiet( we don't talk more than 3 sentences a day), she doesn't drink, she sleeps early and rise early (very much like me, for all those who know how early I sleep, this is rather rare for Americans) and she's okay with anything I do in the room (ie. cooking, and requesting that the heater should be at full blast during winter). The bad stuff: she likes to play her music on repeat mode. I was really tempted to tell her to just buy a headphone, but then I realised she brought 5 SPEAKERS!!!! So I'll just tahan this until mid-terms come. Also, she always stays in the room(so untypical of Americans also), and that means I have very little time to have the room all by myself. But all in all, we are getting along OKAY, and besides being two boring people, we don't have much issues.

SO classes here are actually very stressful. There's always so much reading to do, homework and stuff. And like what Junrong( I think...) said, the real difficulty is NOT the lessons, but the 3.8 . You tend to get worried when you realise that Americans in Madison are darn hardworking and smart. You start to suspect how to achieve that consistent A. So basically there's a lot of things to be anxious about.

Of course there's the fun stuff, which is mostly during the weekend! Paintball ( try checking out what this is), going out with seniors, shopping (as in GROCERY shopping...no shopping malls in walkable distance here). But somehow, I feel that these moments are so rare. So now, I really appreciate the weekends.

oh well...I hope all will work out fine in the end!

I'm Leaving

2005-08-20T15:48:00.000+08:00

I don't feel like I'm going to leave TOMMORROW. Like yah...less than 1.5 days. Somehow, it just don't feel real. I still feel as if I have a lot of time left before my departure. But time is slowly( okay maybe not tt slow) creeping and slipping away.

It's a strange feeling. Very strange. I'm here, yet I'm not. I'm there, yet I'm definitely not.

People love to ask me whether I'm excited. I think that's a pretty weird question. There's nothing much to be excited about. At least, not yet. I'm more of...ermm...sian diao. I try to convince myself that I'll not miss my family and firends, because it's not really a very long time..but then...I realise that one yr is not tt a short time.

I think I'll miss everyone a lot. And I'm really scared that it'll affect my studies. So I'll try to keep myself busy so that I'll not think too much.

So friends...I'll really miss you guys! Thanks so much for the surprise birthday party last Thurs. As usual, I'm swaku and didn't suspect a thing. So it really is a surprise. Thanks xinxin for organising it! I was very, very touched...because I didn't expect you guys to do it. Thanks!!

And Elaine...thanks you in advance for sending me off even though u still have lots of probelm to walk. Haha...I'll miss all our Jay Chou, Bollywood and Korean movie moments! So fun!!! And I'll also miss you always attempting to kiss me when I'm unawared -_- Haha...let's not forget our childish moments together.

So I'll have to say bye to everyone for the moment. family, friends, hamster, teddy bear...BYEBYE!!!!!!!!

now the day is coming

2005-08-14T18:30:00.000+08:00

I finally feel the reality of the DAY coming.

For the days before, though I knew that time is gettting less and less, the truth has still not sunk in. I guess it's because of the departure of mdgs today. Even as I blog now, he's on the way to US! Arghh...that makes my day seem to come even sooner!

As usual, I'm tore between anticipation and excitement. For me, I'm not really scared of what's to come, but more of what I left behind. I hope my parents can cope well after I leave. Now, my dad would have to navigate through the streets of Singapore without me helping him to find the way on the map. There'll be no one to teach my brother music theory, and he'll probably end up redoing everything because he got everything wrong. My mum would probably be more stressed than usual trying to juggle her career and family. And my sis would not have someone to bring her out when she wants.

Sighz, I do look forward to the life in Wisconsin, but I'm so worried about my family in Singapore. I think I'm more worried about them than they are worried about me.

The new life ahead is waiting for me to receive it, but...am I ready?

my grandsenior

2005-08-13T11:19:00.000+08:00

I just read my dear grandsenior's(yes...henceforth you are mdgs) blog about me. And I guess the description goes somewhere around adorable( I think he know I hate the word cute...it's overated..on me least). Well, well...hmmm...I think I'm a bit more serious than that (as my hc friends would bear witness to that).

I think I feel more prepared to go now. I think. As in, I'm quite packed, I feel better and I guess I am starting to look forward to the life ahead.

8 more days.

National Day

2005-08-09T18:51:00.000+08:00

Today is National Day. As usual, it's a stay home day. Watched Lord of the Rings DVD. Was so addicted to it, I watched it over and over again! So I'm having this terrible headache now.

I was singing the National Day song, "Home" with my sis just now, and I felt so touched. I choked.

" This is home, truly, where I know I must be."

It's strange that I only feel the power of those words now. Now that I have to leave in 12 days, I don't want to leave anymore. I want to stay put. I want to be here with my family. I want time to stop.

But it can't

Shopping

2005-08-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

Good things come in 2s.

So I bought:

2 Bottles of Organics Shampoo

2 Bottles of Organics Conditioner

2 Moisturizer( the super intensive kind...to combat the dry weather in Wisconsin)

2 Tubes of Facial Foam( Body Shop & Eversoft)

2 Toothbrushes (Oral B)

2 Tubes of Toothpaste(Colgate)

well...so it looks like I'm all set!

My parents

2005-07-30T20:59:00.000+08:00

Today, the new sofa came. Finally. The holes in the old sofas were there for years, before my parents finally saw the LIGHT(to buy new sofa). So I was helping my parents to move out the old sofa and the old fridge(we decided to throw this one too)...and ....

Dad: Hey, maybe we shouldn't throw these away!

me:why? It's time to dump them, they're in terrible conditions! They've been with us for like...erm...8 or 9 yrs!!!

dad(with an evil grin on his face): I just thought maybe we should leave this as a dowry for you when you get married!

me: !!!!

Mum: Hey wonderful idea! Then we won't need to move these stuff out!
me: huh????

Mum: Think abt it! They'll be ANTIQUES then! Vintage collection items!

Dad: yeah! We should seriously consider moving them back to the house now!

Well...the first thought that came to my mind was NOT that I CANT BELIEVE THEY ARE TALKING ABT GIVING ME THESE RUBBISH AS...ERM...DOWRY???!!!. The first thought is...what do you mean by they'll be ANTIQUES when I get married???? HUH??? So I'll get married at a good age of Hundred and Twenty when such rubbish become real vintage?

darn it.

The US Culture

2005-07-30T12:46:00.000+08:00

I had a very interesting conversation on MSN with Lindsay(haha sunyi...this is not shyh chang's deep bio discussion). I'll just write it as I remember....since I forgot to copy the conversation down.

Lindsay: Hey lihao, let me give you a lesson on the US culture. The most common words used in the American Language.
Me: cool!
Lindsay: 1. Dude
Lindsay: Used in almost EVERY sentence, and to almost everyone, perhaps except your prof
me: !
me: haha...okay..so...
me: Hey dude..
Lindsay: the 2nd word is..
me: hey dude, where's my car?
Lindsay:hahaha...Dude, you don't have a car!
me:So dude, what's next?
Lindsay:....er...you're catching it really well
Lindsay: 2. The F word
Lindsay: Also used in almost every sentence...and come in a variety of forms
Lindsay: Most often used as an adjective.
me:!
me:haha...I tot only like that in movies
Lindsay: No...pple use it in real life
me: So a typical conversation btw college students sound like this...
me: Hey dude, what a f-ing I had!
me: That prof is so f-ed up!
Lindsay: !
Lindsay: erm..lihao I think that's enuff for the day -_-

haha...very fun. Now, I'll have some idea on how to commuicate with my US roomate!

Now, it's 3 weeks down to departure. Haven't start packing yet, but I have more or less(this stupid phrase just can't get out of my head, thx to chin chun) made a list of things to bring. Lots of sweaters!!! Lip balm! Moisturizer!And maybe A level notes. But I'm cleverer now...hehe....I realise I can check if the class for a certain module is full, so no need to bring the notes for a class that is closed to bidding!

My day

2005-07-27T21:45:00.000+08:00

"I don't love studying. I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful."--Natalie Portman

Thanks to Jun Rong...I found out how amazing Portman is. She's so intellectual! wow...I'm so impressed by her. Not only bec she's a Harvard grad, but by how her intelligence shines through from what she says and how she acts. I read some of her quotes...and I was like really impressed! To say it the Chin Chun way...it's *respect!

My dear neighbour upstairs is renovating their ENTIRE house. And that sucks! The noise is totally unbearable that I have to chiong out before my head burst. I have never experienced such a horrifying volume of noise! Oh man! I'm still having the headaches now!

Oh I'm so super excited abt tml!!! Going Party World KTV with Xin and Shuyi! I haven't gone KTV for soooo long! Yeah! But I really wonder what we're going to sing??!!!Without elaine, I don't know who's going to create the retro atmosphere...where we are turn crazy and start singing Aaron Kwok and Grasshopper songs!

Can't wait for tml!!

Me and myself

2005-07-25T22:21:00.000+08:00

I was looking at the photos in "My Shutter"(take a look people), and I realised how super under-dressed I was. Haha...I remember my friends saying that I look as if I just came from home...and going to the market! well...the other people were really well dressed, so I really stood out. Haha...anyway, I like to wear clothes that I'm really comfortable in...even if it don't really fit into the occasion. So I guess that's why I always either under-dress or over-dress!!! Haha...that's really embarassing.

I was just thinking today on bus that it's kind of tough to be a guy. I mean...guys have to ACT cool. It's a real tiring thing. Like...you might be so sad that you feel like crying, but you can't bec guys are supposed to be emotionally sturdy people. Guys have to give in to ladies cause that's what a cool guy is supposed to do. So actually it's better for the sexes to be not equal. The female always get to benefit anyway.

This week is hopefully going to be less tiring, so I'm really going to starting my preparation formally! Packing!

Less Serious Stuff

2005-07-21T19:18:00.000+08:00

It's really interesting that many people read my blog, but that I don't know it, because...you guys don't TAG!!! Haha...okay fine, but I met some people recently who said "Hey I read your blog." and if they didn't tell me, I won't have known. haha...

I guess I've been posting very deep topics on my blog recently, and unfortunately, this might continue for a while until my fascination for such things wears off. But I guess that's why people don't really tag...because it's hard to make a comment...mmm...is that true?

Tomorrow will be the A*STAR award ceremony, and though it's going to be a dreadfully long day, I'm quite excited about it =) Haha...it's like a dream come true. God's belssing that I'm finally HERE =)

So though the song group might really end with a bad note(very literally), I'm still very excited! Yay!

tired

2005-07-20T00:17:00.000+08:00

Okay.

Change of plan. I heard clothes in US are quite expensive, and those that don the WISCONSIN logo are made by ADIDAS. So...that means I'm going to get more clothes here in Singapore. Jeans+ Long Sleeved Shirts. Lots of it.

And in conjunction with my deep thoughts (-_-) lately, I was thinking that it's really hard to accept a religion if one has not been in the right environment. Indeed, I would have never got to know God if I didn't go to MGS, and if I didn't have so many Christian friends. So from the perspective of someone who was once a freethinker, I do understand why so many people regard religion as a burden. And I also understand why people think that religion is often a relief for stress, an arena where only the weak-hearted will seek.

But.

There will definitely be a time in your life that you will understand. You'll see that religion is not a science. It's not something that can be comprehended fully, scrutinized carefully, and proven by empirical methods. It's something that will just...come. And if that moment of understanding doesn't come...then you haven't lived your life to the fullest.

And for those who are skeptical and cynical, I would just say...you need something called blind faith. Yes. Blind faith, not trust. Because trust only comes when the mind has thoroughly considered the issue on all sides, and that will take a long time. Like what I said before, no one needs to live in absolute truth. You just believe...and life will be easy. Just that.

Yes. And believe in God and not teachings of man, because the latter will lead to nowhere.

Who's she?

2005-07-17T23:25:00.000+08:00

Who's Scarlett Ting?

I got this blog thingy...that goes" Which Singaporean Blogger Are You" and I'm Scarlett Ting?

Huh?

Anyway, I didn't want to publish her photo here...but the description is...

"You are independent, smart and beautiful. Its too bad you don't see that yourself because life's little difficulties brought down a lot of your self confidence. As a result, you talk cryptic and you don't trust people easily. You care a lot for your friends and your loved ones, sometimes even more than you care for yourself, although they don't always seem to appreciate it. Don't let that affect you. As the saying goes, you don't miss the water till the well runs dry. So hang in there, you're a star in the making."

Yah...I am VERY cynical...so this description is kinda true in a way.

Weird.

But I still dun know who this fellow is =(

I have 3 lives

2005-07-17T19:09:00.000+08:00

I think my life now is getting complicated.

I have 3 lifes.

My first life is the one that I have always been at. The one I'm very customized and comfortable with. My family, my old friends, my activities-reading,piano,shopping,jogging. It's the one that I'm very familiar to, the one that I have always been enjoying,

My second life is the A*STAR life. This comprises of my OBS-mates and song group. It's really a very new experience to me. Like all of a sudden, you make so MANY new friends, get to know so many new things. Really, I think this new experience is rather fascinating...But...well...I just realised that it's also transient. Like...after going overseas, I reckon most of us will keep in touch, but we will not be very close. Seeing somebody physically on a regular basis is very different from talking to that person on MSN or thr email. So a part of me is rather sad, because I would soon have to leave all these friends that I have made.

Then there's the 3rd part, which is less transient. And that is my UW life. I'm glad that so far, everyone looks friendly and nice. But well...the idea I got so far is that I'm going to mug my way out there. With people who are already planning on what notes to pre-read( the senior's notes), I'm kind of stressed out. So I guess a part of me is really hoping that this period of preparation will go on and on...that I do not need to face what's waiting for me out there.

So with about 1 month of time left, I have to split this time into 3 parts...and I realised that it's really very tiring.

mmm...

2005-07-13T20:20:00.000+08:00

I realised that my last entry was pretty interesting. Wow...doesn't sound like me. Well, I supposed this issue has really been going through my mind for quit a while.

I guess sometimes, freedom can be a chore too. With so many things to venture and explore, life can get really complicated. So I guess that's why some people would rather follow a stringent set of rules so that they can totally avoid the process decision making.

Well, but I guess I like freedom...not too much that I'll have to be fully reponsible for everything I do, but just at the right level so that I have some control in my life.

Anyway, I just realised that I'll be living on the FIRST floor of my residence hall. Wow...that means Lake Mendota will be literally at my door steps. So romantic..haha...most importantly, I won't need to climb stairs! Yeah man...and since there's less people living on the 1st floor(bec of the offices), we won't need to rush for the bathroom.

Horray!

The world is a sad place

2005-07-12T19:11:00.000+08:00

After reading the news today, I concluded that the world is a darn SAD place.

Firstly, you have this innocent girl who was sexually invaded, and kicked to death.

Then, there's the woman who got chopped into 7 pieces. And they even had to use flour to make her pair of legs in the coffin as her legs can't be found.

And of course...the one that disappointed me most is the NKF issue. I not sure whether the newpapers are exaggerating about the 1.8 million 3-yr salary or that 12month bonus, but I seriously hope that they are. I don't want to think, I don't want to believe, I don't want to accept the fact that I have been cheated all these years. I refuse to acknolwdge the fact that my trust has been misplaced, that my concern for people has been manipulated for selfish purposes.

So that confirmed an issue that has been going on in my mind for these days. That sometimes(or rather very often), the truth is cruel. If that's so, I think I would rather live in deception. Let me live in naviety and blind-faith. Let me not know the truth...so that I won't be put into a difficult position and has to torture myself to ponder and procrastinate. Let me just follow, not explore, so that I do not need to overcome my fear of the unknown.

Let me live in my own bubble of happiness.

I'm a goldfish

2005-07-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

I'm a goldfish =(

yah..I got some eye infection, and my right eye swelled...so I look like a goldfish now(yes Joshua I think you curse came true). My mum say I looked as if someone has just punched me =( Sigh...does she really need to say it out so explicitly?

I realised that I have only a month plus left to prepare everything I need for the next YEAR. Oh man...that sounds like a really tough job! I'm planning to bring the minimal..like just a few T-Shirts...and survive the rest of the year with T-Shirts donning the Wisconsin logo =) Yeah! I always thought campus Tees to be very, very cool!!! Especially those that says Harvard, Stanford and stuff. But I'm very happy to put on my Wisconsin one.

So now, I'm planning where to live during my orientation programme(SOAR...it's called), because my hall's not open yet when I arrive on the 21st. And my hall's also closed for winter. THAT SUCKS!!! I'll have to put up somewhere(I don't know where)...and survive the harsh winter.

Oh...and I realised that my Hall does not have a food plan!!! Surprise! We have this Wisc-Food Card, which has a deposit inside, and all I need to do is pay-as-I -eat. That sounds fabulous!!!

Did I sell my soul...?

2005-07-06T22:48:00.000+08:00

Well, I had my deed signing yesterday.

Okay, I think many describe this as selling your soul for a nifty "7-figure" sum. But somehow, I don't think that's what I felt. I felt...well..weird. I mean...not like my soul's really worth that much anyway. But I felt it's more like your future is more or less planned out for you. Assuming that I can get 3.8, that really means that I would know what I would be doing for the next 14 years. And I'll be 33 when all that finishes! Oh man...that sounds really old. And it's also scary because I realised how fast time has passed.

Really, I have never felt so OLD before. Okay, fine...I'm only 18 now, but these 18 yrs seems to have passed faster than the blink of an eye. Someone asked me on Mon what did I do when I was a child. And I realised...that ...I don't know. I totally forgot EVERYTHING. My childhood memories are like..blank...vacant.

Sigh...maybe because the deed signing was more solemn than I thought it would be. I always thought that this would be really the best time in my life, because this has always been what Iwas dreaming for. But now that it's really here...I just feel ..well..OLD.

gosh...what's happening to my post-OBS garang spirit??

OBS Continued...

2005-07-01T22:13:00.000+08:00

As I have yet to recover from my post-OBS enthusiasm, I thought I will talk about OBS again!!! Haha...I think I will focus on something really interesting this time.

My favourite activity is the Sea Expedition, which is this outdoor activity in which we kayaked to the other side of Pulau Ubin(opposite OBS) and set up camps. So my partner was Shyh Chang, and I think we make a really very crappy team. Okay fine, I'm the crappy one. I didn't know that my ability to entertain was so good until then. I could come up with so many lame jokes!!! haha...I must say that i felt a certain sense of satisfaction that I'm actually such a good entertainer.

The journey to the "other side" was much more difficult then we expected. For some super stupid reason, we took the MOST difficult way, which was to navigate through the thick mangroves. And trust me, you don't really want to have the experience of banging into mangroves every now and then. Oh yes, besides being a crappy team, we seemed to have a high affinity for mangroves. WE JUST KEPT BANGING INTO THOSE DARN THINGS!!! Being the Bio guru, Shyh Chang soon noticed an ECOSYSTEM in our kayak. Mudskipper(baby of course...or else I would have fainted), water spider, pond skater and what-so-ever.

And there was of course the mud. We had to cross(on foot) this super muddy part and push our kayak across. Seriously, it's no fun sinking into knee-deep mud, especially when your dear instructor is having a mud fight with your partner.

So all and all, we were eternally grateful when we FINALLY reached our destination...which is just this small piece of sandy+rocky land. This is where the so-called OBS nightmares were realised...where we had to bath in the sea and deposit our waste to the wild. But I realised that I actually enjoyed it all!! haha...back to the basics isn't so bad after all=) The night actually ended with a very memorable incident...which is Ching Chun telling his so-called ghost stories which involved 6 girls(as he reckoned there were 6 of us the in tents) who were obsessed with their'girly stuff', one cute ferry driver, and 3 cute guys. Now...that sounds real scary right... -_-

The next day, we had to build this raft thing. I actually done this before in Sec3, and it could have turned out to be a perfectly normal activity. That's until Jun Rong(I think...or is it Chin Chun again??!!) suggested that the most creative and energy-saving idea was to just simply BUNDLE the given 8 pipes together...and the 15 of us sit on it in a row. Now, anyone with a tingy bit of common sense and Archimedes Knowledge(and we are ASTAR scholars???!!!) will realise that this thing will fail BIG TIME. But after much persuasion from the guys...we( the girls..duh...who else have more common sense ) finally relented. And that was how our dear "USS Bundle of Joy" came about. And of course it didn't work. Not for long at least. After struggling for around 5 mins...the thing just self-dismantled...and all of us fell into the quarry. Haha...it was totally enjoyable to be in the quarry. Clean Water!!! But building the Bundle of Joy really gave me so much excitement...and all of us were really glad that we went along with this idea. It's really an experience to rmb.

After that, we kayaked back by the short route(yeah!!)...in which I finally managed to force Shyh Chang to entertain me with songs...and I picked "Yesterday". Woah...his rendition of it is really very entertaining. Haha...comparable to Ching Chun's "Huang Hun" =)

I love SEA EX~!!!

OBS Rox!!

2005-06-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

It's really amazing how you can get to love something you once dread and hate. That's OBS for me.

Before OBS, I was really thinking how I would hate all the mud and dirt. Well, after all those stories about not having proper toilets and stuff, I was kinda put off. But I was also kind of excited, because I've never been through such an experience. I mean, I'm like 19 very soon, but I feel that I have really not experienced enough of life.

So it was really lucky of me to get into a wonderful watch! I love my watch!!! Everyone's so unique and special in their own ways =) Thanks so Chin Chun for all his crappy ghost stories with cute guys, and Shyh Chang for his "Yesterday" on the kayak, which was super duper entertaining. And of course my dear grandsenior Joshua for all his darn lame jokes.

So thanks to OBS, I actually got to know people to a much deeper level. If not for OBS, I would have just known people by their merits( IBO, SRP, NSTS....) and schools(DUKE, PRINCETON,CORNELL), and associate their characters with all these superficial stuff (MIT=Oh my god that person's not human, PRINCETON=What is his brains made up of? and Duke=Nearing Immortal)

Well...so it was awesome to get to know our scholars better...more as human...and not weirdos=)

Yupz, so I'm really grateful that I have such an amazing experience this summer. This holiday has been dotted with many life-changing experiences, and I guess I have changed to some extent after all these.

So OBS has been really a journey of self-discovery. I found out that I don't really mind dirt and mud so much....and that my physical strength is really not as bad as I thought. So haha...I feel more encouraged to face all my further challenges =)

Manz...I'm really very inspired...hope this last for a while!!

Busy..

2005-06-18T09:25:00.000+08:00

Well..

Last week has passed really very fast...with so many activities like cooking and personal grooming lessons. Haha...these 2 activities proved to be more entertaining than useful. But I guess overall, it has been a pretty good pre-departure programme. It's actually quite fun to meet everyone who will be your potential collegues for years to come.

So next week will be OBS, and hope it will be quite fun, since there's some residential part involved( thankfully not mobile). I heard from my seniors that it'll be a good chance to make new friends and all, especially those who are going to my uni. But 2 people from my uni are not going....arghh...

Oh...found out that my roomate goes to church too. Phew...after hearing all those stories about having American roomate getting drunk every now and then, I'm really becoming quite worried.

Medical Checkup...

2005-06-11T14:44:00.000+08:00

Today's a really tiring day, because I didn't get to sleep a single wink last night. Drank 3 cups of tea yesterday afternoon, so I totally couldn't get asleep! And I still had to go for the medical checkup today..so I was kind of worried that I'm not fit enough to go for it.

Yah...so when the doctor called me in to analyse my results, he said that I looked really worried. Er...he must be suspecting that this girl thinks that she's got a terminal illness or sth.Haha...but thank God, everything's alright =)

The activities will start next week, and after that will be OBS. So I'll be really busy for the next 2 weeks or so. I think I'll only apply for my Visa after that...or else I won't be able to make it for their interview.

Oh...and my roomate emailed me to say that she's bringing a microwave. Haha...that's good news 'cause it means that I won't suffer from instant noodles withdrawal symptoms.

Bradley!!

2005-06-09T19:05:00.000+08:00

As usual, I've been lazy, and not updating this blog. Haha...I guess if I don't write anything soon, my friends might suspect I have been murdered in my China trip or sth. I really love this Shanghai trip...very fun, esp since it's with the whole family.

I got assigned into Bradley Learning Community! Haha...that's my residence hall in UW-Madison! It's a rather small hall, with all 1st year students..and it's supposed to provided a liberal arts college kind of feeling. And it's beside Lake Mendota!! Wonderful view!I hope it would be a memorable stay there=) For those interested in my future address and telephone No., I think I will send a email to you guys before I leave=)

Yupz...and my future roomate emailed me! Haha...her name's Lisa Christie, and she's this Amercian girl who lives in Wisconsin. It'll be a really new experience to live with an Amercian! I hope I can adapt to the life and culture there!

My Favourite Poem...

2005-05-20T22:10:00.000+08:00

This poem has always touched me very deeply...that it has such a very special feeling about it...and yes MG people...I'm sure you still rmb it well...

The Rose

Some say love, it's a river that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor that leaves the soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken that never seems to give.
And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.

And the night has been so lonely,
And the road has been too long.
And you say love is only,
For the lucky and the strong.

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies a seed that with the sun's love,
In the spring becomes a rose.

My Addictions

2005-05-15T19:48:00.000+08:00

After much consideration, I consider the following to be my serious addictions:

1.Bridge. This one's a serious addiction. So thank to my Bridge coach...Jaymie,Jacky and Ivan. I need to play bridge at least once a week...So I try to come with the reasons why Bridge poses such a strong appeal to me. I guess maybe 'cause it's quite an intellectual game, and can get quite exciting at times. But most importantly, I think it's bec Bridge brings back a lot of the most wonderful memories in my Melbourne trip in 2003, where I learnt and mastered Bridge in less than a week. I still long for those long bridge session in Behan(my university housing), where we play until 2 am. haha...that's still one of the best times in my life, and I really long for it so much...

2. Pop songs with a very cheena tune. Haha...this one's a really weird one. But people, just listen to Tao Zhe's "Susan shuo(1)", and Jay Chuo's "East Wind Breaks". I love them so much...arghhh...haha...I think songs with such traditional Chinese tune has a very weird appeal, because it's so unique. I guess it's because of the special element in it...that's really hard for me to describe.

3. Neopets. This one is really embarrassing, esp in consideration of my age. But I am so addicted to Neopet games that I must play them almost everyday. Most of my friends have grown sick of it when I was insecondary school, but haha...since I'm so childish, I still love it.

4. Reading other people's blogs. Welll, I must admit that I don't really like writing blogs, because I'm not a very humourous person, so my blog is not too entertaining. Also, because I keep a personal diary, I sort of detest the idea of publishing my thought and feelings thr the internet. But I guess I still enjoy reading other people's blogs, bec some people's are really interesting. Perhaps people who are more open to their feelings can create very good blogs...but as I'm quite reserved to my own...sorry people...I have a very boring blog =)

Friday the Thirteen...

2005-05-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

Friday the 13th was probably one of the best days in these few weeks!

I met up with some of my secondary school friends, and had a steamboat over at Marina Bay =) Haha...it was really very fun...and really nice to see everyone once again. I think we all(sorry...except me) all look very grown up...esp since some just came back from work...so look quite matured...esp in contrast to me in shorts and T-Shirt..haha...I seriously don't spend any single bit of effort in dressing myself lately.

Thereafter, I went home really late(abt 11.30) with Elaine and Xinyi...'cause they're staying over...the main reason is to have a mini Jay Chou concert. I though the concert is not bad...and I'm so super impressed with Jay Chou after this. He can keep forgetting his lyrics...and he will not panick at all..and just start singing his own lyrics( stuff like...I don't know what I'm singing). Seriously...it's not easy. And most of the times, it's even hard to detect that he forgot his lyrics unless Elaine points out to me... haha...Jay Chou's brilliant!

Yupz...so yesterday's was wonderful!

Um...I have a new school email account at hli9@wisc.edu. But don't email me anything there k...the server is so super slow!!! Arghh...

My Nose

2005-05-06T22:36:00.000+08:00

I have this really bad nose problem. When I sleep with my hair wet, or when the air-con's really strong, I will wake up with a head cold. So I'm practically having cold everyday! I remember being called the "Tissue Queen" when I was in Pri4 bec I had to use so much tissue for my nose everyday! That's embarrassing man!

So my parents keep on asking how are you going to adapt to Wisconsin. It's like the COLDEST place to study in US( let's not talk abt Canada)...and the summer there is really short. So my dad suggested me to go running around the track everyday, so that I can keep myself warm, and exercise at the same time. ER...I'm sure it's just a more subtle way to tell me to slim down..

Mmm....I remember in Melbourne, even though it was summer(or late spring?), the weather was like terribly cold, and all of us had to wear jackets to the beach! Haha...it's really my first wearing so many apparels to the beach=) No beach in Wisconsin, but I think I live beside this huge lake...so hopely by some geography theory I learnt in sec school...it won't be too cold =)

2005-05-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: August 26

Your birth on the 26th day of the month (8 energy) modifies your life by increasing your capability to function and succeed in the business world.
In this environment you have the skills to work very well with others thanks to the 2 and 6 energies combining in this date.
There is a marked increase in organizational, managerial, and administrative abilities.

You are efficient and handle money very well.
You're ambitious and energetic, while generally remaining cooperative and adaptable.
You are conscientious and not afraid of responsibility.

Generally sociable and diplomatic, you tend to use persuasion rather than force.
You have a wonderful combination of being good at both the broad strokes and the fine detail; good at starting and continuing. This birthday is practical and realistic, often seeking material satisfaction.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Mixed Up!

2005-05-05T21:42:00.000+08:00

Hey...really sorry to Amanda and Huying for linking your blogs wrongly...hope that I didn't cause much confusion, although I was pretty confused myself...haha...er...I thought y3n was huiying! Arghhh....major mistake I know....sorry Mandy =p

2005-05-02T16:48:00.000+08:00

"The book of life is brief, and once a page is read, all but love is dead, that is my belief."

-And I Love You so~Don Mclean

FridaY

2005-04-30T10:00:00.000+08:00

I realised that I always have a very hard time trying to come up with the title of my blog...haha...kind of lame...

Well, yesterday I went to the Scholar's Tea Session, which I tot would involve lots of food...but it didn't! I was so sad....it mainly invovled long talks by the researchers on how to best make of your time overseas. Actually, my main reasons for going overseas is to enjoy myself and get to know more about the cultures of other countries....and not to mug! I mean, if I'm really that interested in how to get great results, I can just in Singapore and mug...dun need to go all the way to US to mug right?

Haha...I was also thinking abt the Anti-NUS Society in Warwick...I mean, what do these guys do?? Sit in a circle in midnight(like cult groups) and formulate curses for NUS??? Mmm....the curses are probably working reverse effects bec NUS ranking is going up...

Fun Facts

2005-04-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

Just a few random facts I tot were rather interesting(to spice up my ultimately boring blog a bit)

1. Do you guys know that there's an Anti-NUS Society in the University of Warwick. Haha...so all those NUS enthuist out there...you guys should be all ready to strike back by either bombing that school(less possible) or plan for an Anti-Warwick society very soon(this one should be put into consideration for all u NUS Wannabes)...haha....I really wonder what's wrong with the Singaporeans in that Uni...haha

2. I just realised( I guess many people might know this one though...I'm quite bad at Trivia)...that the founder of my Dad's company is no other than...Thomas Edison...yes...That's General Electrics(GE) Company...I know some of you might say I'm quite a big Sotong...cause its seems like quite a well known fact...but guess what, I only knew it today after living on this earth for almost 19yrs now....so ....well...

2005-04-26T08:33:00.000+08:00

Hey, it's really cool to see that more people are coming to my blog=) Haha...seems that I've done the networking pretty well...hoho

I realised that the blog is a great place to look for certain people...like I managed to find the blog of this primary school classmate whom I haven't seen for ages. And most interestingly, I managed to find the blog of my friend's old crash.Haha...I will not name who that is =p

Anyway, I realised that most people are working now...perhaps to pass the time and earn some bucks for spending. Well...my 2 month of working experience in Ella Cheong(this patenting company) made me realise that working is really very boring, though the people around you can be very nice. I guess that's why many of my friends have quitted and are teaching tuition now. But how can mixing around with tiny brats be much better?(I hate kids btw).

So I've been pretty much slacking real badly at home..but I do help with the household chores occasionally. I think I might be going to OBS around June...and that thought has been haunting me real badly since I got to know that I need to go for OBS =(

Oh no...

2005-04-23T10:14:00.000+08:00

oh no...my class outing today at East Coast Park is cancelled. It's quite sad that people don't have time to gather. I always thought that the class would have a lot of time after the A Levels...but it seems that everyone is even busier than usual! Haiz...

My sister's SA is coming, and she's simply refusing to study. So now, she's having this war(literally k...) with my mum. Er...I'm a bit worried for her...cause she's like really very lazy man...

Sighz...today's such a sad day =( I was supposed to go for a karaoke session with my Sec School freinds, but bec of the class outing, I cancelled it. And now, the outing is cancelled too...Arghh...

My day

2005-04-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

Today, I suddenly had this urge to eat the famous Fish Meat Beehoon at Beach Road. And guess what? I actually took the MRT to Bugis (I live in Chinese Graden leh), and walked to Beach Road. Haha...if I tell my parents, they would just say I'm toatally crazy.... But people, their Beehoon is really very, very good!!! It's worth the travelling all the way from my house. Ever since I was introduced to it( that was when I worked in Gateway East), I am so super addicted to it!!

And thereafter, I walked to this Korean Shop near Sim Lim Square to purchase Korean Seaweed...haha...you can just imagine me now...super overweight liao, bec of my addiction to food. By the way, Korean seaweed is so nice that anyone who eats it will definitely get addicted.

Ha...must check my weight tml =p

Well...

2005-04-20T12:48:00.000+08:00

Okay, I was just reading other people's blogs and there's all these stuff about getting into SMU and NTU...and I was just wondering...what is NUS doing? How come I've not heard anything from them?
To save my money, I did not apply to NTU or SMU(this one's obviously out cause I'm a sciency person =p). I realised that a lot of people have been offered admsison to NTU and SMU...woah...congratz people!!!...these 2 schools respond very fast leh...NUS still hatching eggs in their stone building lah.
I keep on pondering over the issue whether or not to go for the Medicine and Dentistry interview...cause I'm obviously not going to take either one, and I have to prepare so much documents for the interviewers. Esp the Medicine portfolio =( But my parents say just go for the experience(of what??)...and since I'm really rotting away at home...wellz...
So...for those wondering where I'm going, I'm going to University of Wisconsin-Madison...supposedly a very,very cold place...but super fun cause there's many things you get to do there...but with the GPA of 3.8 or more thing...I better get myself freindly with the books first(hoho...)

Just another beautiful day

2005-03-22T09:07:00.000+08:00

Yupz...just another day...and since the sky's really clear...I guess it's pretty beautiful. Anyway...quite glad that I got admitted by UCLA...but I really hope to get into Berkeley though...mmm....hope that today will be more interesting. I borrowed some books from the library yesterday to read...one of my favourtie is the one by Ji Mi (Jimmy) . Haha....this really brings back all the wonderful days in MG ....the Chinese lesson by Liang laoshi =) Haha....she's really a great Chinese teacher..
Think I'll be going to the teahouse on Thurs with a few people...I know the idea of going to a Chinese teahouse sounds kinda Cheena and really traditional...but you';; never know until you go. I guess it's a place that you either hate or love...so in my case, I guess it's love =)

I created this blog

2005-03-21T08:59:00.000+08:00

Yupz...I created this blog...well well...I was kinda curious on how it would be like to have a blog...so after viewing my class blog, I decided to have one too.
I remember for one of my GP lessons, we discussed this thing abt blogs and what's all the point on having a blog...I thought it's really pretty pointless...but since I'm so bored now, I must well just start doing some of the pointless things I always wanted to do..eg. read lots of crap books, go tea house, go pulau ubin...haha....just things I always wanted to do but neva had the time to do so...mmm...so after quiting my job as an accounts assistant, life is much less hectic( the working hrs are so horribly long!!!)
So I can really start to enjoy life a bit now =)